"Good vibes only culture" is unhealthy – the world needs more cold realists what do you think?

All too often in social media and other places I see people posting about how they want "good vibes only" and how they have a "no negativity" zone. At the risk of emitting "negative vibes", I have to say that I find these mantras to be ridiculous. I will even go further and say that not only are they ridiculous, they are harmful to people, our relationships and our ability to connect with one another.

A “good vibes only” mantra is also undermining our relationships with friends and partners. The current dating world is full of countless people looking for fun and a good time, with no strings attached, no responsibility and no commitment. If we express dissatisfaction to our date about anything, we are viewed as too negative, and if we are upset about something they did, we are seen as being critical, demanding or some other negative quality. No one wants to date “negative Nellie” or “Debbie Downer”, they just want a good time because life is too short. Our relationships are expected to be only fun, and if they become work, it’s time to move on. How are we supposed to develop meaningful connections with anybody, if all we can talk about are positive experiences and feelings? True bonding occurs over being vulnerable, and being vulnerable involves expressing feelings of sadness, disgust, and fear.

Seeing as many on Instagram are self-proclaimed life coaches nowadays, it’s hard to scroll without ingesting at least one inspirational quote from the positive thinking movement. But, I’m left feeling anything but inspired. If there’s one thing guaranteed to put me in a bad mood it’s the ‘good vibes only’ culture. ‘Good vibes only’ is just ‘man up’ by some other name. Another way of telling us what to feel, regardless of how we’re feeling. Another instruction to bury the negative, hide the sadness and ignore our emotions. Research this week apparently found that optimists live longer, but as with most of these studies, I remain sceptical… even if it’s bad for my health.

Banning negative thinking in the pursuit of happiness is counter-productive and, dare I say, delusional. Because life doesn’t work that way. We need negativity to build resilience, strength and character. By its very definition, positivity would not exist without the negative. Bad things happen. Bad thoughts happen too. If we ignore their existence, we fail to develop the tools to deal with them in a healthy way. So when winter comes, instead of shivering in the snow as we ‘visualise’ and ‘manifest’ warmer weather, we just put on a coat. Positivity has become consumable. Brands are capitalising on the ‘feel good’ phenomenon and we are lead to believe that products will further assist us on our ‘journey to success’ if they have some god-awful inspirational quote written across it. Selling happiness is not a new concept. From the mid 20th century, advertisers sold the idea that ‘you must look like this to be happy and successful’, and we grew wise to their ways. But I now find myself being told I must think a certain way instead.

There is a distinction between having good mental health and being happy. Denying negative emotions is not healthy. Accepting their existence and developing the skills to be able to manage them, is. No one can be happy all the time. We are constantly comparing ourselves to other people who falsely advertise their omni-cheer online. Which, of course, is going to leave us feeling inadequate. Even the body-positivity movement makes me feel like I should feel ecstatic about my thighs. I’m indifferent about them, and I’m fine with that. I get it. There are a lot of bad things happening in the world and it can sometimes feel like too much to bear. But bad things do happen. Negative feelings are just as valid as positive ones. Ignoring the existence of painful experiences, information or emotions is not helpful because they are a fundamental part of human life. Denying the existence of our problems is a temporary fix and heals nothing. You can’t positive think your way out of student debt, an unhappy relationship or poor health. I see an endless conveyor belt of influencers pushing the idea that ‘visualisation’ and ‘positive meditation’ are the tools required to get the job you want, the partner you want, even the sodding pair of shoes you want. Maybe it’s a northern thing, but where I’m from if you want something, you work hard to achieve it, and accept that there will probably be a few obstacles along the way. It’s all about how you deal with the obstacles.

Our “good vibes only” culture causes people to feel isolated because they can’t share any negative feelings or emotions without fear of others wanting to avoid being around them. It creates a fake reality where we are made to feel ashamed or like we are doing something wrong if we feel sad, angry or upset. Obviously, a positive attitude is important, but we can have a positive attitude while still acknowledging that we are going through a difficult time and feeling scared, sad or overwhelmed. By projecting only positivity, we make ourselves unapproachable to those who are suffering because we aren’t being relatable or genuinely expressing our truth as nobody’s truth is always positive. “Good vibes only” seems superficial or insincere.

Source: MetroNewsUK // LeanneTownsend